Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
