Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
pray to the hookup gods
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
