Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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