Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
