I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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