Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
