Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
