Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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