Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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