He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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