No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
