when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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