you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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