I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
