Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
