she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
