Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
