I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
