how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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