I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
