I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
