So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
