Soap is not a condiment
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
