Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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