I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize