somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
