Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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