is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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