Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
