ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
