I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
