positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
