i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
