Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
your room smells of hookers.
And success
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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