You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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