I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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