Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize