First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
