Tell her she can't have a vagina
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
