i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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