it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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