May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's like iHOP with fire
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
