I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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