Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
