if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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