Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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