i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
