the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
