He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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