The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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