woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
