Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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