Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
