She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
