Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
