Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
