my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
