my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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