just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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