dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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