So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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