Small penises have feelings too.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
