Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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